God Hears Our Melody… ♫ ♫ ♫

"In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which perishes, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." ~1 Peter 1:6-7 (NIV)

When I first surrendered to God’s call into special service, the Music Ministry is where I knew He wanted me and I wanted nothing more than to serve Him for the rest of my days…singing praises to Him and for Him. Looking back, it is no wonder to me now why He let the course of events happen in my life as He did…in order to break me and remake me…yes, to teach me. Oh… “Rabboni,” what limitations I had placed on Your calling! You wanted to hear melody from me yet I had to learn the music You treasured.

Isn’t it a GRAND thing that God not only collects our tears but that He hears our melody? Sure, He hears gifted musicians and singers praise Him with melodious tunes and trained voices. He hears joyful noises from others, as well, and they all please Him. After all, they are blessed with the very gifts He, Himself, has provided. I am alive in Jesus today to testify that these pleasing sounds are nothing to compare with the melody He hears when we pour out our heart and soul to Him in brokenness and humble ourselves before Him. He sees and knows the REAL in every one of us…yes, the good and the bad, the happiness and the misery. And in His eyes we are deemed most beautiful and sound most pleasing to His ear when we are broken for Him and submit to Him our all. There are so many scriptures in the Bible which tell us of the trials and turmoil we will endure if we belong to Him. We are molded by the Master Potter during these times…yes, so we will become pleasing to Him...and grow more in His likeness. It is a hard concept to celebrate our trials, especially in the midst of them. Yet that is exactly what we are instructed to do…KNOWING God is using them for His divine purpose. Hallelujah!? No…even BETTER than that!!!



Captured in His reflection,

He Collects Our Tears

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” ~Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

The hardest things to endure in life are the things that pierce us, scar us forever and yes, agonizingly hurt us to the core of our very being. These things usually bring forth an abundance of tears and much remorse as a result of our suffering. What is an awesome fact is that our faithful Father collects all of our tears…yes, every single one. None are lost and not one tear is cried in vain. God also understands the language of our tears…that language with meaning which no words can convey.

I can identify with Beth Moore when she says, “If it’s out there, it’s either happened to me or it’s touched my life in some way.” Yes, like Beth, some things just happened to me and some things I, myself, caused to happen. The latter would be a hard pill to swallow outside of genuine repentance and forgiveness in the light of our Father’s amazing grace and mercy. It is also difficult to understand that the bad as well as the good has molded us into the very person we are today. If some of our experiences had not happened, we may not have chosen God. Does it ever boggle your mind that God knows the things that will happen to you before they actually happen? It’s a hard truth to grasp, yet He knew and He knows.

Then comes the inevitable question, “Why?”

Why was I molested as a child?
Why was I forbidden to follow God’s calling?
Why did I rebel and marry thinking it was an escape?
Why was I a bad example before my children?
Why have I married and divorced multiple times?
Why did I allow the world to influence my life?
Why did I fall in love with a married man?
Why did I continue to make wrong choices and in the process, hurt others?
Why did family members and close friends have to die?

After jumping off the worldly merry-go-round…tossed, bruised, broken, scarred and bowing before Jesus at the foot of the cross in genuine repentance…

Why was I then victimized by spousal drunken abuse, verbal abuse, extra-marital affairs, pornography and sexually transmitted disease?

Why? Why? Why?

Sometimes the simple answer is that we have sinned and fallen and in retrospect, we stand in disbelief that we were capable of making such wrong choices. Yes, that answer is born of Satan and horribly simple. We separated our self from God. Sometimes we cannot see the answer so clearly though, because we are walking with God. In this case, rest assured, God is bringing us through something to bless us on the other side.

As I contemplate the things that have caused me so many tears and such deep personal pain, there are still many things that others have endured which do not even compare. For example, I still cannot compare my pain to that of starving children, or to Corrie Ten Boom’s devastating life experiences. I cannot compare my pain to that which my husband endured when accidentally dropping a firearm and having it discharge on the ground resulting in his dad’s death. I cannot compare my pain to that of my brother and sister-in-law who lost their son during the summer before his senior year in high school. His mother was the school's secretary and she watched her son’s class parade through their last year’s events up to and including graduation. No, I cannot compare my pain to a parent losing their child. I have cried many tears with and for family and friends who have lost children; but still, I cannot and do not KNOW the depth of their personal and individual hurts. I feel helpless wanting to provide comfort and peace to those hurting so deeply. My prayers, my hugs, my tears, my words all seem so inadequate when compared to their anguish and suffering…yet I know that my Father knows every hurt and collects every tear. He has allowed pain and suffering in our lives so that we may turn to Him, choose Him, lean on Him, exemplify Him, grow in Him and provide that same comfort to others which He has bestowed on us.

“God comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” ~II Corinthians 1:4

We can also read in the Bible about Joseph’s life and had we been him, we would probably have asked “Why, Why, Why?” As we read, though, we can identify with Joseph and know that God was and is in total control despite how things often seem to us. The very ones who sold Joseph into slavery were suddenly at his mercy as he became the second highest ruler over the Egyptian kingdom. He wasn’t bitter. Instead, he recognized God’s hand throughout the course of his life and testified:

“Joseph said to them, ‘Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.’ And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.” ~Genesis 50:19-21

Some may find it difficult to comprehend but even though God does not condone our sin or the sins of others which are inflicted upon us, He will use them in His master plan for His Kingdom’s work. He never wishes hurt and pain for us but He does know the road we will travel and He wants to bring us through it for His purpose. In His divine process, He is constantly growing us in His likeness. It is difficult sometimes, but just as Joseph reminded, we would be wise to remember that often times Satan means to harm us but the Lord will prevail and use it for our good. Yes, Jesus has suffered all our hurts…every fall…and He is collecting all of our many heartfelt tears.

Oh Father God, thank you for sending Your own Son to suffer and die for us. Thank you, Father, for KNOWING each one of our individual hurts, for UNDERSTANDING our deepest pain and for COLLECTING every tear that we shed. Thank you, Father, that Jesus rose again and then sent the Holy Spirit to indwell us so that we may grow in His likeness. He took all my sins, Father. He knew me...my name, my thoughts, my tears and He's always heard me when I called on Him. He was always thinking of me. May we always walk with You, praise You, honor You, serve You and worship You forevermore…for You alone, Father, are worthy of our all. Amen.



Captured in His reflection,

Honor and Submission…Characterized by Integrity and Light

"For the Lord gives skillful and godly Wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He hides away sound and godly Wisdom and stores it for the righteous (those who are upright and in right standing with Him); He is a shield to those who walk uprightly and in integrity, that He may guard the paths of justice; yes, He preserves the way of His saints. Then you will understand righteousness, justice, and fair dealing [in every area and relation]; yes, you will understand every good path." Proverbs 2:6-9 (Amplified Bible)

Do you honor Christ? How? By calling yourself Christian? By attending a church? By preaching? By leading the music? By teaching Sunday school? By stating, “I am a believer?” By wearing a cross or a Christian T-shirt? By writing your denomination on a form or questionaire? By displaying a Christian symbol on your vehicle? How do you honor Christ?

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with the things mentioned above, these things in and of themselves are not how we bring honor and submit to Christ. For example, when we attend church, God is indeed honored by our presence, but only if we are there for the right reasons. He is honored if we are there in the right frame of a worshipful mindset and exhibiting submission to Him with humility from a right heart. The Bible tells us that we are to assemble together in worship.

"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near." Hebrews 10:25 (New Living Translation)

When our attendance is merely a result of obligation, however, or we harbor ill feelings toward a brother, or we are otherwise distracted from truly worshiping God, He is not honored by our presence at all. You’ve heard the labels, “bench warmer” and “Sunday-morning Christian,” well, this is where they are derived. Those labels signify people who are simply there…taking up space. If someone comes to visit you and they are uncomfortable, insincere or anxious to leave, do you enjoy their visit or would you rather they just not waste time pretending to care about you or pretending to enjoy your company? God is no different. He wants and deserves so much more than a simple outward expression of our submission or casual gesture of honor. He gives us freedom of choice so that we may selflessly and freely always choose Him. He is honored when we place Him first and foremost...not second or third…but FIRST all the time and in everything we do. He is also honored when we humble ourselves and express a personal and inward evidence of faithfulness to Him. That characterization of honor and submission is called integrity. This means we are living as children of light, in that Christ is continually the focus of our thoughts as well as our actions. We do not have to be at church, with a fellow Christian or with anyone to exhibit integrity. When we are alone, there also is our true test of integrity. We honor Christ by exemplifying Christ-likeness. Yes, we are the children of light and we are to be like Him. We honor Him with our love by keeping His commandments and desiring His presence in our lives. We honor Him by filling our hearts and our minds with pure and holy thoughts. As Christians we have the fullness of God in us because of the Holy Spirit.

“And in Him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by His Spirit.” ~ Ephesians 2:22 (NIV)

When we wrap ourselves around Him, He changes us and we are characterized by integrity and light which always brings honor to Christ. In Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians, he says…

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name, I pray that out of His glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” ~ Ephesians 3:14-21 (NIV)

Paul goes on to write about living as children of Light…

“So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of Him and were taught in Him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person – such a man is an idolater – has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. That is why it is said:

‘Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’

Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” ~ Ephesians 4:17-5:21 (NIV)

How do you honor and submit to Christ? We honor and submit with integrity and light…focusing only on Him and remaining…

Captured in His reflection,

Tidy Procrastinating Mess??? His Answer Was "NO!!!"

From my tiny human perspective, a “tidy procrastinating mess” was the best description I could give myself on certain days. Being a compulsive perfectionist who wanted nothing more than to get on with what God had called me to do, I also pictured myself completing the task to the absolute best of my ability. Focusing this way, I began to grow weary in my present state. Simply said, Satan was attempting to make me believe this stage was a very stagnant place to reside, so I was tempted to become anxious and to engage myself in larger things…looking at schooling, conferences, speaking engagements, directing music again, teaching, busying myself, etc. You know, “serving.”

“What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?” ~Romans 8:31

Satan made me feel as though I was about to run a race yet I was left on the track perched in a holding pattern. ”On your mark, get set,” and where was the loud “go” in the form of a starter pistol? The gun wouldn’t fire and start the race! But not only was I prepared to run this race; I also knew that I would win victoriously if I could just take off! After all, God was not only my Trainer and my Coach. He was my Physical Therapist, my Mental Therapist, my Source of Energy, my Total Concentration, and along with my foundation of faith in Him, He would lead me on to a vast victory in His name and for His glory!

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” ~Isaiah 40:30-31



What am I talking about? Well, I’m certainly not talking about saying “no” to God’s call ever again. I’m talking about seeing things from a worldly viewpoint versus God’s view. Sometimes the Holy Spirit intentionally causes us to pause, to halt or detour and yes, to wait. It is even then when our well-intentioned friends, family and self urges us to take that next step and get on with it, through a worldly perception of our gifts in regard to God’s calling, that we must WAIT! Then Satan attempts to cause confusion and a question as to where we are and what we’re doing. And yes, I’m talking about my perfectionist-type character of organization and prioritization being all wet in this respect and I’m also talking about seeing and placing God’s perspective foremost in our mind's eye thereby having a clear understanding of His calling. Sometimes He just wants to walk with us, to talk with us and sometimes He wants us to be totally still. I’m talking about praying without ceasing and listening intently to Him and clearly understanding His call...DAILY. And yes, I’m also talking about waiting on Him, for He not only supplies every breath we breathe, He guides us in every step we take or don’t take, but ONLY if we will consciously wait on His instruction and follow Him that closely. I continually pray, I listen and I do desire to serve Him in a larger-than-life way…yet I am waiting on His direction minute by minute, day by day and guess what? Waiting, in this respect, is an active verb! He’s keeping me right here, studying His word, seeking His face and giving me quiet time to spend with Him. He has equipped my heart with a constant burning passion to write and engulfed my mind with His commission. So I continue to ready myself according to His guidance. Yet He causes me to prioritize sweet time with Him and to simply write about Him. I have scripture verses and notes tucked everywhere on subjects the Lord has placed on my heart to share. I certainly don’t want to postpone the race. I don’t want to cancel the race. I don’t even want to take a break and let someone else take my place in this awkward and strained-looking stance. For this I know. He likes me in this readied, yielding-yet-waiting-on-Him stance. As I wait in this position on the track, my focus is entirely on Him and on His calling in my life...yes, on His instruction which He gives to me each and every day. So you will find me on my knee, leaning forward and yes, at times I do want to scream…

“…HERE AM I, SEND ME!” ~Isahia 6:8

…but He quietly causes me to be still and listen as He holds me steady. The miraculous thing is that I never tire of the position He’s holding me in and I never fall as long as my focus is entirely on Him. My strength no longer falters and my mind no longer wanders in spite of waiting for the gun to fire so I can run His race. For I know God has me right where He wants me. And as to my previously mentioned narrow speculation, seeing only a “tidy procrastinating mess,” well, He is causing me to realize that He, indeed, is humbling me and using me this very minute to simply write about Him, His undying love and the strength only He can provide. So as I burn with desire to serve my risen Savior in a bigger way, I will remain steadfast as I continually say “yes” to Him on bended knee and lean forward into Him…

“I press on toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” ~Philippians 3:14

…willing, waiting and writing while He holds me.

Captured in His reflection,

CONSECRATION

“Consecration is the act of continually separating myself from everything except that which God has appointed me to do. It is not a one-time experience but an ongoing process.” –Oswald Chambers

Where have I been for the past two months? I have been dealing with and coming to grips with the depth of this awesome word, “consecration.” I have no problem with its clear meaning. I have no problem with a very strong desire to be consecrated. It is a destination that is foreign to many…one that was oblivious to me most of my life. The problem with genuine consecration resides in all the barriers we must constantly overcome and choices we must continually make in order to remain consecrated. This is very difficult in the midst of life’s uncertain circumstances. For instance, as I type these words, the TV is blaring in this small camper, and all that is within me is crying out for quiet time with the Father. I am not one to simply turn on a TV for noise; in fact, God was my teacher concerning selective viewing. There was, however, a time I didn’t even comprehend such a thing. There was also a time when I lived alone and was going through a very hurtful period in my life. I had neither television provider nor computer. I was totally alone with God and I devoted many hours to prayer and reading His Word because my faith remained strong and I knew He would turn ashes to beauty in my life. During that time I came to experience and know the clear meaning of consecration. What a gift! It was something I thought I already understood and possessed but didn’t until then. Also, though my circumstances were bleak and hurtful, God was teaching me so many wonderful things which I thought I already knew and understood. During this first experience of consecration, not only did I become focused only on Him, it was through that means that He also taught me patience, unconditional love and true commitment. All of these things were previously viewed by me through worldly eyes, so my understanding was not through His insight.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. –James 1:2-5

A friend recently asked me if I was ok because she hadn’t heard from me in a while…in blogland. I feel my reply to her sounded vague since she’s got a great ongoing blog and seems to be on top of her game. And knowing her the way I do, I’m sure she found the time to whisper a prayer for me. She upholds an outstanding balance in her life between family, writing, speaking events and leading the Women’s Ministry in her church. I admire her greatly but I don’t ponder the success of people like my friend any longer because I know where her source of strength and perseverance lies. I know she places God first in her life in order for all those other things to acquire such balance. I also know that she has traveled a road, much like me, where as a prodigal daughter she was broken and transformed by the Master. She knows well that she could not do all these things under her own strength so she walks closely with Him and He supplies all her needs for His appointed tasks. That is the answer to everything and I am so aware of it…however, life enters in and it is very easy for us to conform to our daily routine or the demands placed on us by our circumstances. Such were the busy happenings surrounding me upon my return from Saudi Arabia. Everyone’s circumstances are different and what we tend to forget is that most often that is the very place God speaks to us…through our circumstances. And what do we most often do? We react or make decisions without consulting Him…much less listening to Him…and we miss His lessons entirely. We miss the very opportunities He’s provided us to ask of Him and be supplied His provision and blessing, the very opportunity to grow in Him and learn His ways...yes, the very opportunity for consecration. When you come to experience true consecration, you understand the fact that God wants all of you, all of the time and you want nothing more than to give your all freely to Him in order for His will to be complete in your life. You want nothing more than to serve Him in every aspect of your life. That means in everything you do…not only in your actions but in every waking hour of your life. Yes, that also means your thoughts…and this requires quiet time in order to study, pray and listen to Him. Living in this world, yet being consecrated in God, you will find He is insistent in a very personal way to keep you actively in His presence. You will become acutely aware of all the barriers which attempt to keep you involved and your mind occupied including the choices of others which ultimately affect you as well. These barriers continually present themselves in the circumstances of your life. You can live frustrated and beneath your circumstances or you can resign yourself to give God His first and foremost priority in your life and He will raise you above them. Yes, there is a cost to follow Him…to make a commitment to Him…and had I truly understood this the first time He asked me, like Peter, I would not have had to be asked again to follow Him.

“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law --- a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household. Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” –Matthew 10:34-36

I could go into detail regarding the past two months…about the holidays, the ongoing construction of our house, the inability to use my computer, church activities, the brutal murder of a friend and active member of my church, a January Bible study, two Beth Moore Bible studies and yes, even the fact that this 5th wheel camper (which I am so thankful for and which provides our only warmth) is no place for quiet time…but the fact is that all my personal circumstances of late have only taught me how strongly my calling is to do what God has appointed me to do and how desperately I continue to maintain consecration. I have only been strengthened and have become much wiser in the understanding of true consecration.

So, what has been going on for the last two months? God has been teaching me how consecration in my life is ultimately “L-I-F-E…living intentionally for eternity,” no matter my circumstances…and reminding me He has said again to me,

“Follow Me” –John 21:19

So Father, I am Yours…consecrated and waiting…for Your appointed tasks in Your appointed time because I believe all the pain and difficulty I have felt cannot compare to the joy that is coming. I will hold on...yes, I will press on and wait for the joy in the morning. Amen.



Captured in His reflection,

"I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!"

I recently had a friend who visited Peru. While planning her return to the states, she wrote, “I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!” From her words I knew that in some way she had been enlightened…yes, something very meaningful had happened within her being to change her.

“I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!” The sentence still pulsates off the page, resounds in my ears and tugs at my heart, for I have also voiced these words…yes, in response to the most important revelations during my life. This sentence carries with it such an underlying statement of strength and stability in the proclamation that one has been gifted with discernment regarding something very important…something that results in our knowledge becoming wisdom and this wisdom forever changes our being. Such life-changing clarity comes only from God.

“Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith without doubting. For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. An indecisive man is unstable in all his ways.” -James 1:5-7 (HCSB)

As a young child, the most important knowledge I possessed was truth from the Bible. I grew up in church with Bible stories, songs of praise and the basic knowledge of God all around me. It wasn’t until I, was under conviction from the Holy Spirit that I prayed and received wisdom and became aware that I too, needed to ask Jesus…in faith…without doubting…to save me…yes, me personally. As I walked down the isle of my small country church, tears filled my eyes in humility as I prayed asking forgiveness for my sins and invited Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. I thought my heart would burst with joy on Easter morning as I followed the Lord’s ordinance in Baptism. I said, “I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!”

I do not claim that there have not been many times when I have knowingly, miserably failed my Lord. I am His child though and through His infinite mercy, I turned to Him. I have been reprimanded, taught and I have repented and have received my Father's forgiveness. In this I am sure. As the story goes regarding the refiner of silver, so has my Father watched over me and cared for me, teaching me while holding me in the flames to melt impurities from me…so much so that He can now see His reflection in me once more. Prior to this time though, Satan had me exactly where he wanted me, causing me enormous difficulty in understanding how I could possibly have fallen so far…how I could have turned my back on God, turned away from His call and made me doubt how I could ever sing again or be used in His service. Did I really possess the knowledge I thought I had? I ask you, can a Christian with so much knowledge actually lack wisdom? Ask Peter. The answer is a resounding YES! I know my own personal trials and failures but for whatever your reason, when we no longer ask, consult or invite the Holy Spirit to guide us in our decision-making process and He is not beckoned for wisdom or to show us God's clarity in scripture, we ultimately close the door on intercessory intervention in our daily lives.

God always gives us the freedom to choose and that freedom is intended so we may place Him first in our life. He wants us to choose Him, obey Him, receive His blessings and He wants to show us all His glory. The knowledge we possess as Christians is worthless unless we choose to pray for wisdom. Wisdom is God’s gift to us of His spiritual insight. God is not only my Father. He is also my teacher and He has taught me so much. First and foremost, God has taught me to seek the Holy Spirit regarding all my life choices so as to align myself with scripture and pray for wisdom so that I may seek His purpose in everything. With the gift of God’s wisdom, I have and continue to celebrate my trials and continue to grow more steadfast in my faith. “I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!”

Captured in His reflection,

A Deeper Sense of Home

I am home! How good it is to be home! Home at last! Finally home!

Have you ever dwelt on the word, H-O-M-E, and what it means to you? Home can be a house, an apartment or some other type dwelling. Home can be a town or a community, yes, simply a location. Home can be permanent or temporary. Some people even have more than one home. I’m sure you’re also acquainted with the same phrase I’ve heard all my life, “Home is where your heart is.” Well, while living in Saudi Arabia, I thought a lot about that particular phrase and all those qualities which make up the special place I call home. There were a number of things that entered my mind as I compiled my mental list. First were the longing thoughts of my country and all the freedoms I dearly missed back in the USA. Those freedoms were fought for and attained by family and friends, yes, bought and paid for with their blood and my love and gratitude for them are very near and dear to my heart. Next were my thoughts of the state in which I was born and raised. Texas, for me, is like unto none other. My heritage runs deep in the piney woods of east Texas where my Grandfather, Amos DuBose, was the first Judge in Newton County. After that, memories surfaced of living in many towns before venturing afar to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia where I lived in a villa temporarily for seven months. Unlike those of you who still reside in or close to the town in which you were born and/or grew up in, I have lived in sixteen locations throughout my adult life. As I thought about each of those locations, I automatically attempted to focus on the positive aspects in my life at each particular place. I attempted to recall those things that caused me to picture myself at “home” there. I have to admit, in some locations the task was impossible. If you have lived in multiple locations, you most probably favor some more than others and feel some were truly “home” as opposed to others feeling uncomfortable or temporary. As I narrowed my list to those which felt more like “home” to me, it was very easy to pick and choose based on the important things that happened to me while living in each location. But something else was very apparent to me as I tried to rationalize what “home” actually meant to me now as compared to then.

Of course, my first and foremost thoughts were of the location where I grew up in a house with my family. For me, this was LaBelle, a small community in southeast Texas. There I was surrounded with love and protection. Hmmm… but it occurred to me that some of the best and worst memories of my entire life also happened there. Never the less, LaBelle is where I also returned to live a second time and where my younger son was born. I made life-long friends in LaBelle. Again, some of the best and worst memories of my entire life happened there.

Second on my list was San Antonio, Texas, where I also made life-long friends. I also lost friends during war while living there. This is where my first son was born. Here too, some of the best and worst memories of my life reside.

Third was Brazoria, Texas, which is where my two sons grew up. In this location, I was close in proximity to my family and also made life-long friends as well. And yes, Brazoria is another location where some of my best and worst memories also reside.

As you can see, there were good and bad memories in each location, so I derived that circumstances are not the determining factor in whether I felt at “home” or not. No other places have come close to feeling like “home” until now…here in Junction, Texas. The fact that I am here is simple yet complex, so yes, it’s a result of God’s master weave in my destiny. I have already made life-long friends here and continue to meet and get to know more wonderful people every day. Junction is not as near to my extended family as I’d like but we have e-mail, cell phones and I can physically reach them in four to six hours. That is a small drawback in comparison to the specialness I have found. I love the solitude I find with my Father on our ranch. I dearly love the Texas Hill Country, the spectacular views of His creations, the opportunities for friendship and fellowship, the abundant wildlife, history and nature’s stories. I love the rivers and exercise finally rocks when kayaking in the South Llano! We’re also building a house on our ranch. That, too, is exciting in and of itself, but the realization that it belongs to God is ever present in my mind. He is, after all, the only reason for it’s possibility. Yet all these things I’ve mentioned are still not what makes Junction my true “home-sweet-home” now. The “specialness” I referred to earlier is not due to the location or qualities I’ve found in Junction. It’s due to the location of my heart and my closeness to God. There has been a long time of waiting…a time of patience…a time of teaching…a time of learning...and finally a time to stand strong and move forward.

You see, all sixteen places I’ve called “home” were and are temporary to me…yes, even now. The same change is within me just as it was for Moses. It’s about God’s timing and the realization of His overwhelming presence and call on and in my life. Unlike Moses, I wasn’t sent into the desert to tend sheep for forty years after experiencing my mountain top in LaBelle, but I did travel an empty road of discouragement…trying to create my own happy “home” in so many places. Then at long last, I found myself facing God and asking Him “me?”… “now?” So the true meaning of “home” for me is, indeed, “where my heart is!” And guess where that is? My heart has experienced a time of great personal growth as a result of God’s call and that of waiting upon Him. I find myself loving the Lord, my God, with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my strength!

“And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.” -Deuteronomy 6:5 (NLT)

How does God know when we love Him? He says that if we love Him, we will obey Him. When we obey God, we set our heart on Him and we truly commit our way to Him. He is in me and I am in Him. I now have true fellowship with the Holy Spirit and oneness with the Lord Jesus Christ and I am at home with my Father…now and throughout eternity!

“Be careful to obey all the commands I give you; show love to the Lord your God by walking in His ways and clinging to Him.” -Deuteronomy 11:22 (NLT)

Also, remember how I said I love the rivers here? Well, Junction is known as the “Land of Living Waters.” Maybe it’s just in line with my destiny, but I find so much enjoyment in connecting one of my favorite verses…

“He who believes in Me … out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” -John 7:38 (NLT)

Yes, I am home! How good it is to be home! Home at last! Finally…and yes, with a much deeper sense of home!

Captured in His reflection,