Continuing My Walk…In His Reflection

The results of choices we make can and will sometimes throw us off course. Other times, we cannot anticipate God’s Will. Sometimes we are blindsided. These detours or stop signs have potential to create emotional seasons in our life…seasons of happiness or sadness…but they are just that…emotional seasons. While never altering our foundation, these seasons inhibit our walk.

Everyone is going through their own trials and tribulations. I know many people who are hurting right now. Though my trials may seem small in comparison, the accumulation, one after the other during such a short span, was still able to steal my focus and rob my joy. During the past ten years I have had an excess of major life events occur. I have married again, lost my dad, lost my oldest brother, lost my mother, lost relatives, lost numerous dear friends and lost my dog. I almost lost the youngest of my 3 brothers, as well, in a tractor accident. I have prayed for a son as he endured divorce. I have retired again. I have undergone pelvic mesh surgery. I have stood by my sister’s side as she fought breast cancer, undergoing a bi-lateral mastectomy and nine hospitalizations before reconstruction was completed. I saw many doctors and specialists who either did not know enough about prolapsed female organs or did not want to advise me because of the legal controversy involved in and around the use of mesh implants. My hormones, for the first time in my life, were out of whack and depression seemed to find a home. Finally, I was referred to an outstanding doctor, specializing in prolapsed female organ issues, who performed corrective surgery on my previous surgery. That was two surgeries done without insurance. The ongoing saga of hurt and dark cloud of un-wellness, plus the search and inability to find a competent doctor with more than adequate knowledge, seemed unending. Also, there were incompatibility issues in my marriage surrounding my medical condition. My husband and I saw a Christian counselor a few times. He was a nice guy but had no clue of the culmination of sadness and extent of physical and marital issues at hand. In addition, I have not been able to be physically active. As a result of stress and depression, I had gained approximately sixty pounds and eventually stopped writing. During this time, our air-conditioning units (2 years old) were malfunctioning due to faulty installation and we had to have some things worked on and redone. My husband works contractually and during this time, he was in between jobs when he had a tire blowout which totaled his truck. He was fortunate and blessed to be alive. The blessing that my husband was okay, made the loss of a 93-acre tract of land seem unimportant to us. And no, I still don’t have a kitchen. I know better than to fall for Satan’s infiltrations of pity and yes, while staring at God’s blessings in the midst of these trials, I was also chastising myself, which throughout the years caused a vicious cycle and deteriorated my zeal and joy.

This is not meant to be a sob story. On the contrary…I laid my season of sadness and self-pity at the foot of the cross this past weekend. I simply want to express that not only do we need God’s Word, time alone with Jesus, prayer, Bible study and regular church attendance, we also desperately need to bask in God’s Grace and exhibit the LOVE of Jesus…AGAPE love…in order to remain intentionally focused, full of the Holy Spirit and walking in His joy. We must continually be His hands and feet no matter what Satan is attempting to do to our mind!

“Preach the Word! Be ready in season and out of season”
(2 Timothy 4:2)

This “season” does not refer to time; it refers to us. We should not anticipate a mountain-top experience in order to have inspiration or joy. We show proof of our right relationship with God when we do our best whether inspired or not. The mountain-top experiences like I just enjoyed at Women of Faith followed by my life-changing Walk to Emmaus, as well as other awesome moments of insight and inspiration, are true gifts of God. What will I do with them now? As Oswald Chambers said, “If you make a god out of your best moments, you will find that God will fade out of your life, never to return until you are obedient in the work He has placed closest to you, and until you have learned not to be obsessed with those exceptional moments He has given you.”



PRAISE GOD FOR THE SEASONS in our lives…bad, good or exceptional…PRAISE GOD FOR DAY FOUR of my walk! De Colores!

Captured in His Reflection,

Thankful for HIS Song

“This is my story…this is my song…praising my Savior all the day long…”

How do you praise “all the day long?” At fifteen years old I thought I knew exactly how. I had been singing in church since I was eleven and my love for God and music filled me with a love that continued to grow. I knew God called me to serve Him and I was ready, so I surrendered my life to His service in the area of Music Ministry. I was on my mountaintop and so sure of my future! After all, music was my gift from God; and when I sang, I believed the words of the songs so deeply that I took ownership and they came from the depths of my soul. The music stirred the hearts of those who heard me, so I knew God was using me and would continue to use my life in a most profound way. My small country church offered me a music scholarship to East Texas Baptist College. It was then that my parents told my Pastor and Music Minister, “mind your own business,” and informed them that I “would only leave home on the arm of a husband.” There was no explanation to me for their action and I did not understand their apparent lack of reasoning. I faced devastation beyond belief. My world cratered, so I did marry within a few months in order to leave home.

Have you ever heard someone say, “If it was truly God’s calling, wouldn’t you be doing it at all cost?” Those words haunted me for years because I knew I was called by God to serve Him…but I had chosen the time and place it should have come to pass. I began riding a merry-go-round through life, attempting to fill the tremendous void of my disappointment. I could not find peace or reasoning in all that had transpired. I simply could not accept that God’s ways were not my ways if I wanted so desperately to serve Him. Why wasn’t the plan coming together? I dwelled on my disappointment so much so that I began quenching the Spirit of God. As the merry-go-round of life began to turn faster, I let the world enter in and disturb any resemblance of the Holy Spirit’s direction. I later faced many trials and strayed even more from God’s path. I was unable to ever be at peace in God’s presence. At one point in time, I could not even begin to sing a simple congregational hymn without sobbing uncontrollably. In my mind, I could not believe God could ever use me again. When I viewed my life thus far, I could not believe this was me. My guilt and shame consumed me and my problems seemed insurmountable. Satan had me right where he wanted me.

Forty years later, after brokenness and much heartache, I managed to jump off the merry-go-round of hurt and disappointment, and the world halted when I fell down before my Father. Yes, forty years after I had surrendered my life to special service, I laid face down at my Savior’s feet and sobbed in total anguish and repentance as I was facing yet another crumbling marriage. I found myself fervently praying and seeking God’s face and asking Him what He wanted of me at this late date…yes, after disappointing Him so much for not forsaking my parents and following Him when I was fifteen as well as the multitude of other mistakes. It struck me then, such a similarity…just like the Israelites…I, too, had been “roaming aimlessly for forty years!” I was so still and so alone and at the end of myself…I was so tired of searching for answers and that is when I cried out for God to just have His way at long last.



That is when I heard “His Song” in its entirety…for Him and all about Him. It was never “my singing” or “my life” or about me or my neat little plan wrapped up and tied with a pretty bow. It was about drawing to Christ Jesus daily and reflecting Him through “His Song,” written in blood by Him with lyrics from His Word! He began to show me how He had taught me “His Song” throughout my life…in everything that had happened to me, in all the mistakes, rubble and wrong choices. He had taught me about Himself in all my trials throughout the years. He showed me that I had placed such small expectations on what He intended to use me for. Oh yes, of course, I could sing when I was fifteen…and yes, from the depths of my heart…but the difference is that now I know and understand my Savior’s heart, “His Song.” He taught me so much about Himself, in the ways He helped me, forgave me, loved me and carried me through the many storms in my life. He taught me His grace and mercy. He taught me forgiveness...and finally, it was long past time to have clear understanding of how I had let Satan have control through my guilt. It was time to graduate from knowledge in Christ to wisdom and begin by forgiving myself.

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what He has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord." ~Psalms 40:1-3 (NIV)

Today I don’t merely sing of my Savior. My life reflects Him in bold meekness and I worship Him continuously as I sing “His song.” I know and understand my Savior’s heart and the hurt He endured and I know how He has eased my pain and erased guilt and condemnation. I know His sorrow and loss. I know His devastation and brokenness. I know ridicule and judgmental attitudes. I know abuse. I know pain. I know stigma. But I also know commitment, patience, longsuffering, self-control and I know compassion and unconditional love. I know healing and peace that passes all my understanding. And at long last, I know and understand my role as His servant. All along, my Father has been teaching me His calling for me…to know His heart and to share it with others...yes, to grow in Him and live in His likeness and sing “His song.” He gave me so much more of Himself than I could ever have understood merely singing another’s lyrics. Yes, He gave me the knowledge of His heart as He taught me, both in His Word and through the Holy Spirit. He gave me a lifetime to grow in Him, to learn and live His lyrics. He gave me His eyes to see others without judging, His ears to hear them and understand their cry beneath their uttered words, His mouth to praise Him all the day long and share “His Song,” a song that tells of His healing power, His great love and forgiveness…His genuine mercy and awesome saving grace.

Thank You, my Lord and Savior, for Your song which is embedded in me forevermore so that I might put my hand to the plow and continue to press on and grow in Your reflection. I thank You for the knowledge turned to wisdom of what it truly means to be called to serve You and to “praise You all the day long,” Father. Amen.

Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” ~Luke 9:62 (NIV)

If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. ~1 John 1:6-7 (NIV)

I challenge each of you to put your hand to the plow, to look forward and not back, to learn the lyrics of His song and “praise your Savior all the day long.” We are all called to walk in the Light and serve our most high God...each and every day…all day. Our personal testimony and our surrender to His service should be more than something we recollect and speak of remembering past experiences. We are to live out each moment of our lives as a living testimony of Christ’s likeness, dwelling in His presence and having constant fellowship and oneness with God.

“This is my story…this is my song…praising my Savior all the day long…”

Captured in His reflection,

Hurt and Happiness

Happy anniversary to my Mom and Dad who are both in Heaven now. After 9-11, I remember my Mom saying that she could never celebrate her anniversary again. I just thought, “how sad.” I knew her words were a result of deep hurt but we all hurt. Our entire nation was hurting. In light of 9-11, I will continue to pray for healing in the families of lost loved ones on that tragic day but I will not dwell in the sadness of the event. Do you believe God intends for us to dwell in sadness and not grow as a result of our experiences? Of course, He does not. There are lessons to be learned in life and there is growth as a result of every experience in our path.

Father, I ask that You bless and keep those who are hurting today. May You heal them as only You can do. May You bring them through their storm and into a clearer tomorrow. May You direct their eyes and thoughts to Jesus and the cross. Amen.

One of my former churches, First Baptist Church of Brazoria, Texas, celebrated their 75th Anniversary last month. I am sure there were so many memories to reflect upon. I know, because it was my church family at one time and it was also one of the many places God has used me. Shortly after I became a member on October 23, 1983, I got to meet some very sweet souls who were extraordinary to know. They were all smiles, out-going and loving and they all had one thing in common, they were mentally-challenged individuals. First I noticed J. Ray and Sandra attending and then Vickie and sometimes Mikel and Charles. I remember asking someone where they attended Sunday School. I was told that they did not go most of the time and when they did, they went to various classes; but sometimes they were simply sat down to busy themselves. The explanation I got was that they required one-on-one attention in the classroom to prevent disruption of the lesson. My heart was stirred. I knew that God had placed a burden on my heart and that He had also prepared me with a compelling awareness and an extra dose of patience where these were concerned, as well as a passion and love beyond measure. I also realized He was laying the vision before me for a Special Ed Sunday School class.

Why me? I know and understand now that our Father allows us to experience certain things in our lives because He is preparing us for His Kingdom work...yes, so we may minister to others in similar situations on His behalf…so that we are knowledgeable in His concerns…so that we may see others through His eyes and share His never-ending capacity to forgive and love them…so we are ready to serve.

"God comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." ~II Corinthians 1:4

How did He prepare me? Prior to attending FBC Brazoria, my two sons, Nash and Neal, were raised alongside a best friend’s children, Hunter and Tasha, at La Belle Baptist Church. My friend, Pam, and I were expecting within eight months of each other…her first and my second child. When Pam gave birth to her son, Hunter, he was born with Down syndrome. I had shared all the joys and expectations throughout pregnancy with my dear friend and now I shared her first reactions of such extreme hurt and devastation. I witnessed her fight against depression and her agonizing questions to God. My friend was later told by her doctor that she would never be able to have what the world deems a "normal" child, so she and her husband also added a precious daughter, Tasha, a beautiful young girl who was adopted. These two children were like my own and I shared many of the trials my best friend encountered. I also shared, firsthand, in the outpouring of God's richest blessings on my friend…just in the gift of knowing and loving her dear children.

I never suspected at the time, that God was using my experiences with Pam’s initial pain and then her extreme joy, to grow me for His work. Yes, through the complexities of hurt and happiness, my Father was preparing me for a task later in life. In God’s own time, He placed me at such a place and showed me where He wanted me to serve Him…at FBC Brazoria. I approached the parents or closest family members first, where possible, and explained the vision of a Special Ed Sunday School class which God had laid on my heart. Sandra was so excited to attend her own class but one of the mothers, Janie, was hesitant and protective of her son, J. Ray, just as I had anticipated...so I invited her to accompany her son to the class until she felt comfortable leaving him. Once Janie felt comfortable, I then asked if she would like to be my helper...then my substitute. That was the beginning of a very close and meaningful relationship between Janie and me. Our class grew into a much larger class through the years. When I left FBC Brazoria, Janie became the teacher and was right where God had prepared her to be. I was merely a stepping stone in God’s pathway for Janie…just as Pam and Hunter were stepping stones for me and many others whose lives they have touched. I am so thankful and humbly honored to have served our Most High God in the capacity of Special Ed Sunday School Teacher.

J. Ray is a fine, healthy young man in Heaven now and his precious mom, Janie, still teaches the Special Ed Sunday School Class at FBC Brazoria. Pam, Janie and many others have been so richly blessed by God…to be chosen to love and care for a special-needs child. God simply allowed me to share their blessings. Thank You for the blessings, Father! And thank you, Hunter, for being the first to teach me God’s compassion. Now I simply stay in touch with Pam and Janie, but we will always share a very precious bond as close friends and dear sisters in Christ. We will also share a home in Heaven, where one day we will see J. Ray again, smiling his big smile and running into the arms of his sweet mom while telling her how much he loves her! Praise God! What a glorious day that will be! And Hunter…well he turned 37 yesterday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HUNTER!!! Knowing and loving you…my cup runneth over!!!

We do not have to know and understand ahead of time what God’s plan is, we just need to walk closely with Him daily, through the hurt and happiness, while having a willing and responsive heart. Through it all, simply keep our eyes and focus on Him and He will prepare us and show us His way in due time.

Captured in His reflection,

Because of Jesus, I Am More

As most of you know, I love to sing and I truly worship deeply through music. Well, when music speaks to me, I follow God’s leading and I write. Such is the case here.

While attending a Women of Faith conference in 2007, I will never forget the multitude of hands that went up all over the Alamodome in San Antonio, Texas, when the question was asked, “How many here have been abused during their lifetime?” I was overwhelmed in tears to actually visualize the answer to a nine-year-old girl’s question so many years ago. “I feel so confused…so dirty…so ashamed…so alone…I am different…there’s nobody else like me…I don’t feel loved…why did this have to happen…am I the only one this has ever happened to?” Through my eyes at nine years old, I could never have conceived such a view as I saw in 2007. There are not enough adjectives to describe the shame and guilt which accompanies sexual abuse. There are not enough words to explain how a girl of eleven years, accepting Christ as her personal Savior, could be so wrought with pain and repentance due to all those adjectives. The desperation in wanting cleanliness and the determination in forgetting…there are no words except, “Because of Jesus, I am more.”



Just last month, I encountered the same emotional experience as I did in 2007. I was called to jury duty and asked very in-depth questions concerning sexual child-abuse. I live in a small town and hundreds of people were called as possible jurors. As my questioning became more and more thorough, I faced answering explicit questions very truthfully. Since the crime of my childhood was hushed by my parents and not reported to authorities and I never received any counseling, I had never encountered nor answered such thought-provoking questions. Here I was, again, seeing a room full of hands going up along with mine as the questions pierced our very souls. When there are no words, sometimes I just cry. It brings to mind so many hurting individuals. I think of all the young girls victimized by sex trafficking and I cry.



Just for a moment, he tried…but no, Satan did not steal my joy…He can’t. Jesus is my JOY and “Because of Jesus, I am more.”

So, I continue to draw closer to my Lord, to live out the complexities of my life with God as my Center. He is the ONLY WAY I know how. I will remain focused on Him while forgiving and loving in the same way He has forgiven and loved me…for He is the clear definition of unconditional love.

And above all else, I will continue to pray…

Dear Lord, You are my Maker and You, alone, know the depths of my heart. I love You and I praise You for the lessons You have taught me. You knew what experiences I would encounter throughout my life and You have used the trials to grow me and make me a stronger servant. You have instilled in me an endless sense of compassion and caring…Your compassion and Your caring…for others and sometimes I cry for those who are so confused, hurting and groping for answers…but because of You, I know I am more and they can be also. Father, the lessons You have taught me through the many trials I failed, seem now to be my very lifeline to others who are struggling to find Your way. Please continue to walk with me and guide me each step of Your way. And Father, for those who are involved or who have been involved in abuse, please may they see Your eternal escape route. May they realize there will never be peace or joy until they come to know they can only be more through You. Father, may they find You through me and others who listen intently and follow You. In the precious name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

“God comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” II Corinthians 1:4

Captured in His reflection,

I Hope You Dance

As I was growing up and school dances became the norm for something to do, I began begging two weeks in advance so I might possibly get a “yes, you may go” from my parents. All my friends simply took “going to a dance” for granted, but I had to beg. More often than not, the answer I received was a firm “no.” Needless to say, I never had a father-daughter dance with my dad and that has made me sad on occasion. One such occasion was when I viewed the scenes in the movie, CORAGEOUS, where first the daddy said “no” to his little girl’s invitation to dance and she proceeded to dance alone with empty arms. Later he pretended to dance with her…with empty arms around the memory of his daughter.

Our church has annual talent shows and this year was no exception. Yesterday, as I enjoyed all the talent, “Minnie Pearl” caught my eye more than once. Little Ms. Leona Wimberly, who was recently widowed, sings, smiles and enjoys her life in Christ! I knew for a fact that she had just returned from numerous funerals out of town, yet she was smiling and enjoying herself immensely…as she always does. I love the way she chooses Joy over sadness in her life. How? Her eyes are fixed on Jesus for her guidance in life and He is her eternal Joy. When she sat down two seats away from me, we exchanged pats on the knee and I told her I loved her hat! {{wink}} She beamed and said “thank you!” When an instrumental group began to play an old gospel hymn, she let it be known by those around her that she wanted to dance. After a while she asked me to dance, I jokingly said, “Will you be the boy or the girl?” She didn’t hesitate to say, “The boy,” fully knowing that would make it easier for me to be her partner and respond to her request. Then the music ended. I thought to myself, should the same occasion arise, I will choose to dance with Ms. Leona. We sat there enjoying the talent show as more music and laughter followed. Then it happened. The same group as before began to play the closing gospel song. We were all seated and Ms. Leona stood up with her arms extended and began to dance in place. We exchanged glances and she smiled that invitation to me, again. I stood up, took her hand and escorted her to a large area where we began to dance. Still smiling as we danced, she said, “uh-oh everyone is looking and that fellow doesn’t like this!” I leaned over and whispered to her, “It’s ok…there will be glorious dancing in heaven!”

May I share with you...

"DANCE WITH GOD"
~Author unknown

"When I meditated on the word GUIDANCE, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing. When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word GUIDANCE.

When I saw "G," I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i." "God, "u" and "i" dance. God, you, and I dance. As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life. Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies be upon you on this day and every day. May you abide in God as God abides in you. Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life. This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached. If God has done anything for you in your life, please share this message with someone else, for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards; so let's continue to pray for one another.

AND I HOPE YOU DANCE!"

Captured in His reflection,

Choosing JOY

Yesterday, we began our January Bible Study with Bob Allison from International Center for Biblical Counseling of Texas. His message was so explicit and thought provoking. The topic was “SOUL-BONDS” and he talked about “Breaking Negative Spiritual and Emotional Bonds of the Heart and Soul.” Wow! Heavy stuff! This is a topic so many people are plagued by yet remain in a query as to how to deal with. Loved it! I could think of so many people who would benefit from the information we received…pretty much everyone I’ve ever come in contact with during my life. After all, who is immune to sin? To no surprise, the topic touched the hearts and minds of every person present.

It is not often we get the basic how-to guide, step-by-step instructions or self-application process handed to us…for mending our heart and soul…you know, the simplified version of the one buried in scripture. Short of seeking a good Christian counselor, usually the only way to approach this process is to delve into a life-application study Bible, pray, read, study, pray some more and work through it with God’s help and His healing.

I have done the latter and have conquered forgiveness. First and foremost, I have repented and I know I have been forgiven for my sins. Secondly, I have forgiven others who have sinned against me. Thirdly, I have dealt with guilt and have forgiven myself. Forgetting, on the other hand, is another matter entirely. Forgetting may come after a time and the scars may heal and fade, yet they are forever present. We know God has the ability to turn our ashes to beauty. In other words, if we let Him have complete control in our life, He will turn our scars of brokenness into His lessons which provide strides of remarkable strength as we comfort others in the same way He has comforted us. This He has taught me. This I have learned. This I know to be true.

So how do you begin to forget? You must practice choosing JOY. I choose JOY as a result of making a conscious and constant effort to walk and live in the Spirit. By that I mean I continuously remind myself that my body is the temple of God and His Spirit resides within me. He provides continuous guidance and intervention in my life…giving me clarity and insight into the ways and truths of my Father. You could say I am captured in His reflection…for I am…forevermore.

“Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?” ~ I Cor 3:16 NKJV

The Holy Spirit guards, guides, instructs and encourages me to walk in Christ’s likeness and to seek the absolute and extreme ways of my Father. I long to know Him better so I continually pray and delve into His Word. I choose praise and worship music on my radio. I listen to Christian speakers and read books written by Christian authors. I make only selective choices watching television and my viewing is minimal. This keeps my mind and my focus stayed on God, my Father; Christ Jesus, my Savior; and the Holy Spirit residing within. JOY is mine, dear friends! Yes, He is my JOY…my fullness and my eternal peace. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. He loves me unconditionally. He answers my prayers. He walks with me and talks with me, teaching me along the way. He sent His only Son to die in my place so that I may have eternal life. He knows every hair on my head and every tear I have cried and everything about me...and He still loves me and cares for me so deeply. Am I immune to Satan hurling his darts? No! Does this mean when I am blind-sided by Satan that I no longer regress? Yes! In this life, I have been laughed at, ridiculed, chastised and been written off for being “too Holy.” Does that bother me? No, it no longer bothers me in the least. The more Godly traits that are instilled in me, the more my Father expects of me and the more extreme I probably seem to many in this world. I am human. I am not flawless. As I have said before, there have been and will be seasons of sadness. There will be failures (lessons), but I am not to dwell there. God has no purpose for me in that. In the same sense, the same JOY that I now reside in is also yours for the asking and He has no purpose in your dwelling in your past...in those places of sin’s bondage. Satan will use every tactic possible to hold you there and attempt to steal your JOY but if you clothe yourself in righteousness, put on the armor of God, practice thinking on things pure and holy, abide in Christ Jesus by calling on the Holy Spirit throughout your day, JOY will triumph in your life as well! I can only imagine how it will be in Heaven where JOY is no longer a choice after our lessons, but instead it is a constant way of life. Practice kingdom living now by choosing JOY!


Captured in His reflection,

Prayerbytes

Treasure EVERY bite out of life! No matter the size, treasure it! Whether a bite or a byte, treasure it! Remember that “time waits for no one” and “happiness is a journey, not a destination.” Sometimes this is hard to consciously remember in our fast-paced world of megabytes and gigabytes but if you practice small “prayerbytes,” engaging our Father and turning your disappointments, frowns, aggravations and frustrations into hope, smiles, chuckles and happiness, you will cross major milestones toward good health, well being, peace and joy. Then go a little farther and also turn your idle moments or wasted time into “prayerbytes!” While waiting on your computer, on your phone, on an elevator, in line, on a doctor or in traffic…no matter where the wait, turn those otherwise wasted moments or voids in your life, into “prayerbytes.” Get into the habit of walking and talking with God at every given opportunity. Before you know it, the more time you seek Him, the more you will find Him. The more time you find Him, the more you will want Him. The more time you want Him, the more you will need Him! The more time you need Him, the more you will love Him. The more time you love Him, the more you will seek Him…and the cycle repeats…the cycle of a Christ-filled life…a full life…one with no voids.



Remember “The Dash” by Linda Ellis? The poem emphasizes that life is what happens between the beginning and the end. It is everything, including what we deem insignificant. The poem speaks volumes and no truer words have ever been written. I caught myself dwelling on this yesterday while talking and sharing some tears with my best friend from high school. I am in the bad habit of unconsciously saying..."when the house is finished I want to do this, or let's do thus and such.” Last week, after my aunt’s funeral, I said to many of my relatives, “When the house is finished, I want to have a family reunion!” Yesterday, while talking with my dear friend regarding one of our high school classmates who just passed away, I caught myself saying, “We need to get together when the house is finished…I want to have a slumber party!”

Whether we say good-bye to a family member or a friend, there is not only a void, there is a reminder that one day we will face the end of our own earthly journey as well. This shouldn’t jolt our “I’m fine and everything is ok” status, but it does. Why? We stare time in the face and take a long look at our own life which is full of voids. Perhaps we’ve wasted valuable time. During loss we are suffering a measurement of pain and sorrow, but amidst that there is a subdued urgency to reunite with those we have not seen or talked with in a long time. Yes, there is an immediate overwhelming sense of urgency to gather together those we care most about. Why? It is because we want to hurriedly fill in the voids in our life. Yes, we must fill our wasted time with moments to remember and cherish...moments we will not regret losing. We want to stop taking life for granted and fill in every precious moment we have left with those we care about.

Wow, how much more does our Father want us to fill our moments with Him? While God deserves our very best and not the crumbs from our life, He often receives our leftovers. Sometimes He is not given the smallest bite out of life; however, you can change that and begin today. If you are out of practice, you can begin with small bites of time…yes, with “prayerbytes.” Before long, He is not simply residing within while waiting for you; He is living through your very existence, within the very breath you take, thoughts you think, sights you see, words you speak and He is guiding your hands and your every step. Once you’re in step with God, The Father, your step gets lighter and your joy is eternal. Then, God becomes the significant part of your “dash.” Like those who mean the most to you, He won’t have to wait for a void in your life in order to reunite with you.

Thank you, Father, for reminding me that time is a precious gift. Thank you for steering my being to prayer and the growing desire within me of Your presence. Thank you for reminding me that each day You give me, I am to fill my life with meaningful moments…moments with You and those You place in my path. Please help me to live a full and complete life within Your will, Father, and to live out and exemplify Your eternal JOY in every step we take together! Amen.

Captured in His reflection,

"Joy Comes In The Morning"

Sing unto the Lord, O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness. For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
~Psalm 30:4-5

A life of eternal joy trumps a season of sadness, every time!
After attending a funeral yesterday, of my dear aunt, I was temporarily saddened when a notice popped up in my inbox this morning, “Rita Martin turns 86 on Januray 13.” The message took me by surprise and it took another minute for me to smile again, realizing she is no longer aging and is residing in eternal joy.

While roses are beautiful, their thorns will periodically prick us and draw blood. I praise You, Father, thanking You immensely for the roses…while I am ever grateful for the thorns.

“Experiencing” hurt and “facing” hurt are both personally painful, yet “facing” hurt can be much more agonizing.

“Experiencing” hurt causes personal, physical or emotional pain, followed by healing, sometimes a scar and possibly memories which cause us to “face” or unlock the hurt at our discretion. There are so many hurts and areas of sadness which surface as a result of death, divorce, addiction, abuse, lies, cheating, molestation, rape, bigotry, theft, gossip, etc. The list of causes is long, indeed.

“Facing” hurt means looking directly into the pain, delving in it, as well as the underlying cause and long-term effect. It means studying the tributaries of the pain and digging way beneath the surface hurt in order to analyze its origin...all the while placing ourself in the individual shoes of those concerned as well as questioning all the possible repercussions in the future.

I speak from personal experience when I say that facing hurts is not easy, especially those which we may have inflicted upon others. True enough, we are all inherently sinful and have all fallen short; however, many times these Biblical facts do not weigh heavily enough in our heart and mind to compensate for Satan’s thorns or skillful ways to use guilt against us. Satan has a way of blindsiding us even after we have asked for forgiveness and have been forgiven. Just when we think we are ok, back on track and standing boldly for Christ, a thorn pricks us! Out of the blue, here comes a remark or something you read concerning an aspect of the hurt…and wow, it can take the wind right out of our sails. You regress and face the hurt once again. Satan would love to keep us there where he attempts to infiltrate our stance and cause us uncertainty and doubt. His playing field is built on insecurity and he would love nothing more than to keep us subdued. How do we handle it?

"Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." -Psalm 55:22

How does it end? When does this “Joy” that “comes in the morning” totally and permanently replace yesterday’s sadness? Well, it only happens when we let it. How do we “let” it? The ONLY way to replace sadness with joy is to CHOOSE JOY! Merely saying, “I choose joy” will not cause permanent JOY. We must truly put joy into practice and focus on living out our joy in Christ Jesus. The first thing we must do is focus more on Christ than we do ourselves. We must replace our sadness with His joy. The only reason to regress and think on the lesson God has taught you during your time of pain and sadness is when you utilize it for His good in helping others or drawing others to Him.

“Hold on, my child, JOY comes in the morning!”



Has Jesus not endured all possible facets of the hurts we face? Has He not chosen the right path and pointed us in the right direction? Has He not forgiven our sin and saved us from ourselves? Did He not die so that we might have eternal life with Him? Does not the JOY in Him and everlasting life surpass all momentary earthly circumstances of sadness or hurt in which Satan often tampers? Are we not more than conquerors? Do we believe what we say we believe? Then, by all means, let’s live it…boldly and corageously!

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

Father, God, I love You and I praise You with all that is within me. I thank You for Jesus and what He means to me. I thank You, Father, for Your omnipotent power to work all things together for my good. I pray for everyone within a season of sadness, that we may always look toward you for guidance, and hope in our tomorrows. May we choose JOY in Christ and boldly align our lives with Him on a regular basis. May we consistently walk courageously with You while wearing Your armor which You have provided for us. Father, God…thank You for Your many roses, for the thorns and especially for the eternal JOY You provide when those thorns prick us. Father, we not only choose JOY today, we proclaim it in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Captured in His reflection,

Yesterday, A Season Of Sadness…Tomorrow, A Season Of Joy

Reflections from 2011… ”This too shall pass,” for tomorrow will bring a new day!

“In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which perishes, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” ~ 1 Peter 1:6-7 (NIV)

Facing trials, adversity, hurt and sadness…these are all part of life and nobody is immune. As God’s children, we are to find joy in all things, celebrating our trials and we are to seek His presence. We are to rest in our faith and the assurance that He is working all things according to His divine purpose and His will for our ultimate good. This I know. This I have learned.

It may come as a surprise to you since I have not written in so long, that there has not been any change in my overwhelming desire to write and share the truths I’ve encountered along my Christian life journey. There have been some things which compelled me to spend much time in prayer seeking God’s instruction, to remain still, listen intently, think deeply and take action. These things, while growing me, pulled me away from my computer. Whatever the case, the Word of God spoken to me and the spiritual life lessons I have gleaned from my Father, I fully intend to write about and share with you. I pray you are encouraged.



First of all, I spent a tremendous amount of time traveling during the fall and winter months of 2010, driving back and forth to Smithville, Texas…visiting my brother and sister-in-law and helping with the care of my mother. This is when my writing began to fade, yet my desire to share kingdom living was growing. There are many experiences regarding real-life situations with family, caregivers and an aging parent. There is overwhelming thankfulness inside me because my mom’s last months were spent with my brother, Darold, and his loving wife, Pat. My reasons…some personal…could fill a book. The most precious moments and happiest days my mother had seen or been a part of occurred while in Smithville. She was cared for with much love, kindness and attentiveness and she was treated with genuine respect and dignity. She was also awakened each morning by an angelic voice (Pat) greeting her with coffee and a hug, causing her to smile and simply enjoy being alive to face another day. She was candid and alert while living there and a joy filled her that I hadn’t seen in many years. My heart is full as I sincerely write, “I will never be able to say thank you enough to Pat and Darold.”

In December and also in January of 2011, I was very sick with the flu. My body temperature was up and the temperature outside was down. We didn’t have heat installed and the temperature got down to 9 degrees inside our house. I did not have the strength to go outside and get firewood and bring it in to start a fire in the wood stove. I lived under an electric blanket. On day 17 of my illness, I was not getting any better so I went to the doctor and got two rounds of antibiotic, some other medication and was given a shot. On January 15th, the day I took my last antibiotic pill, my brother, Darold, called and said I should come to the hospital because momma was ill. I was weak but drove 6 hours in the rain, and spent that night praying, crying and simply listening to my mother breathe. I was alone with her when she took her final breath the following morning, January 16, 2011. She was 88 years old and she was looking forward to her homecoming. It was difficult to be sad because I knew how much she wanted to leave this world behind and enter Heaven’s gates. I rested in the assurance that she was so happy now, in Heaven with our Father and loved ones. That was a great comfort. The prayers and well wishes from family and friends were also felt and so deeply appreciated. My husband, who was working in Madagascar, tried to come be with me for the funeral but got stranded in Johannesburg and didn’t make it home. I spent a good bit of time with family before returning to Junction alone. Then, when I did return home, I experienced such a deep loss all alone and rested solely in my Father’s arms. I wasn’t sad for momma…not in the least. She lived a long life and was ready to go home. I was merely suffering from such a deep void…one that resulted in many involuntary tears…but my tears of sadness were always counterbalanced with tears of joy.

Just prior to mom’s passing, a hunter was trespassing on our property and he shot and killed my beautiful golden Lab, Big Boy. Big Boy was my steady companion, running partner, friend and protector while my husband was working away. He was previously owned by a man who ran a “puppy mill” and Big Boy had fathered many pups. I was not familiar with such a thing until I met and befriended this dog and learned his history. When he arrived at my home, it was the first time he had ever been outside of a cage or pen and the first time he had rode in a vehicle. Everything was a first and brand new to him. He was terrified and so surprised at every turn that he continually wanted to run away, which he did...three times. Finally, though, the fear and cowering down ended because I showered so much love, care, time and attention on him. His chain was permanently removed and he experienced true freedom for the first time in his life. He was free to leave or stay and he chose happily to stay by my side. I was deeply saddened when he died but happy he got to experience freedom and genuine love while he was with me.

Isn't that how it sometimes is in our relationship with our Heavenly Father? We run away from Him because it’s all too new or too different. We either don't understand the truth, or we don't want to relinquish our prideful self will to His way or His control so we turn away. He is so patient though, and so kind and caring. He is always there for us to turn to and He continually wants to provide the best for us...always offering His forgiveness, showing us kindness and so much genuine love and mercy. He always gives us the freedom to choose a life with Him or to walk alone. How could we possibly cower away or choose a life without Him? He is the Provider of our salvation. He is the One who can give us the true happiness we are searching for.



I then threw myself into plans for the finished work on our house…first and foremost the central air and heating system. DONE! After that, in any direction you looked there was work accomplished and work yet to be done. As the contractors worked inside, I began major cleanup outside and developed a much needed front yard! The progress on our house is ongoing and that’s ok. In the meantime, I am living life and pressing onward along my journey.

During the course of 2011, I lost my mother and my Lab. My sister-in-law, Gloria, lost her mother and step-father. My sister-in-law, Pat, lost her sister. My sister-in-law, Dina, lost her mother. My cousin, Betty, lost her husband. My cousin, Deb, watched her husband suffer three strokes and face rehabilitation in order to walk again. My precious Aunt Rita, my mother’s sister, first lost her son and then she suffered a stroke two days before Christmas and is currently in in-hospital hospice care. In addition to relatives, I have lost very dear friends and some of my very close friends have lost their loved ones. I also have loved ones and friends who are currently experiencing and/or struggling with other issues as well as major life changes.

Such is the cycle of life and its trials, adversity, hurt and sadness. And you know what? It’s ok to have a season of sadness. That season is where we usually look inside ourselves and have the opportunity to grow, opening our heart’s door and drawing closer to God. While He holds us closely and carries us through, we are attentive and looking to Him for answers. While He has our undivided attention, He reminds us that He is and has always been our eternal Caregiver. Yes, His love and care for His children are eternal, if only we seek His face and follow Him.

So if you are presently in or have experienced a season of sadness, turn to God and expect Him to bring you through it into a brighter tomorrow…for He will remove ALL your sadness in His time and replace it with true joy…yes, with an eternal JOY!

My wish for you is to reside in His eternal JOY in the New Year!

Captured in His reflection,

Remember Them...and Always Remember For Them!

Happy Fourth of July! Have I told you lately just how GREAT it is to be back in the United States of America? The words shared below were written on the Fourth of July while living in Jubail, Saudi Arabia last year. Oh, but this Fourth of July I am home! Yes, I am home on American soil, PRAISE GOD FOR THE LAND OF THE FREE AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE! I am so blessed and thankful to be an AMERICAN!!! GOD BLESS THE U.S.A.!!!

Remember Them...and Always Remember For Them!

Fourth of July, 2006, I wrote… "I just wanted to say thank you very much to each and everyone for all your genuine concern and prayers during my brother's illness. His fight with pancreatic cancer was one of the most courageous I have ever seen. Paul Perry DuBose arrived in Texas on February 17th with the news that Florida doctors gave him six months to one year to live. He was able to begin treatments at M.D. Anderson quickly and we anchored ourselves in prayer and rested in the assurance that all things were in God's control. They still are and we are not to ask why...but simply remain steadfast and remember...'not my will, but Thine.' Paul was 64 years old on May 4, 2006. He told us good-bye on Thursday, June 29th in momma's front yard in Brazoria, Texas. It was a very sad day when we waved good-bye to him as he began his return trip to Florida. We all realized it would be the last time we would see him alive this side of Heaven. Before he left, as he reached out his car door and said good-bye to momma in her scooter, he reminded her of months before when she had said 'I don't have long down here and I will be with your daddy soon...' and Paul had replied, 'don't say that momma...you don't know how long you have...none of us do...when or where...any of us might go before you do.' He also told her...'when his time came...not to feel guilty that she could not make the trip to Florida.' He ended his talk with 'I'll be waiting for you, mother.' Needless to say, momma still needs your prayers. Paul went to be with our Heavenly Father on July 4, 2006. If he had to leave us, then this was the perfect day for him...a day full of patriotism and celebrating our freedom, which he knew personally was so costly. It was also a day of his own personal freedom from suffering any longer. It was very befitting because if my brother had been well, he would have been on a run with his Vietnam Veteran Harley buddies to visit The Wall on such a day...to remember those POWs, MIAs and all those who'd fallen. He was not at The Wall and he was not on his bike, but I am sure he got to see some of them today. I love him so much and I will surely miss him down here...for he was my voice with the National Rifle Association, my reminder to speak out and stand up for what I believe in. And he was my constant reminder to never forget those who gave their all so we could enjoy our blessed freedom. Please remember him...and always remember for him."

On Friday, July 7, 2006, in Gulf Breeze, Florida, Paul Perry DuBose's earthly body was escorted to Barrancas National Cemetery in Pensacola, Florida by a thundering mile of Harleys carrying some of our nation’s bravest men and women…who will continue to remember him and remember for him.



DUBOSE, PAUL PERRY
MSGT US AIR FORCE
AE3 US NAVY
VIETNAM
DATE OF BIRTH: 05/04/1942
DATE OF DEATH: 07/04/2006
BARRANCAS NATIONAL CEMETERY
NAVAL AIR STATION, PENSACOLA, FL



DUBOSE, PAUL PERDEPT
EM3 US NAVY
WORLD WAR II
DATE OF BIRTH: 05/07/1921
DATE OF DEATH: 06/22/2003
HERRIN CEMETERY
BON WEIR, TX


Fourth of July, 2009, I wrote… "Well, it is 3:45 a.m. and I cannot sleep. I am listening to the first of five prayer calls which will sound loudly over the speakers throughout Saudi Arabia today just as they do every day. The humming and singing of the monotonous praying chants from lost souls are vibrating through the walls and windows of this villa where my husband and I reside. My thoughts turn to my dad and my brother who are in heaven. This is the first time in my life I am not at home in the United States of America on the Fourth of July. Instead of enjoying a fireworks celebration proclaiming thankfulness for our freedom and participating in memorial services in remembrance of those fallen, I am listening, with very little freedom, to the lost who surround me in this foreign country. Most people of this culture despise the U.S.A., which I hold so dear to my heart. I so miss the celebration of my country today and what it stands for. I miss it as much as I miss jumping in my vehicle and driving to church to worship my one true God with my church family back home. I cannot comprehend the number of lost souls here…yes, some of the very souls Christ died to save. It draws my thoughts, in comparison on this day, to the number of people back home who have forsaken their freedoms which were bought and paid for, first by Jesus’ blood on Calvary, and secondly by the blood of our military. How can anyone take so lightly the cost that was paid so dearly for each of us? My oldest brother, Paul, lived his life to serve our country. He served in the Navy then retired from the Air Force about the same time they retired his C-130 Gunship, the SPECTRE. As I was re-reading one of his last e-mails to me (below), I am naturally thinking of him today, not just because he died on this day, but because he served my Country so proudly...as did my dad, my two other older brothers, my older son and his dad…uncles, cousins, nephews, a niece and so many others I know and knew while living on Randolph Air Force Base and working at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas during the Vietnam war. I want to say to them and to you, again, I will remember you and I will always remember for you!"

Here is a video clip of the type Gunship Paul served on before retiring from the military.



Paul’s letter to me written January 8, 2005… “Sis, I actually took pictures from the open back door of another C-130 of exactly this scene. (Over the Gulf of Mexico) I was taking them for study of how the new "ALE-20" dispensers would disperse the flares. It was right after the Soviet development of a "seeker head" for surface to air missiles (SAMS) that would not recognize the first (lower) acquisition, then look up to find the engine exhaust. This method of dispersing would have the seeker look up to find the overhead flares. Of course at the time I couldn't talk about it, let alone have a copy of the pictures. This could very well be the same ones. (found their way back to me) We called it what it was "The ALE-20 " ....... don't know where the "Angel Decoy" came from. Love, Paul”



This is an Air Force C-130 releasing flares to repel heat seeking Missiles. The pattern formed by these “decoys” is how the nickname, Angel decoy, came about. It's absolutely awesome! Maneuvers are usually in remote areas and over water, therefore the general public does not get to view these exercises.

TO THOSE WHO HAVE SERVED AND ARE NOW SERVING IN OUR MILITARY, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR DEFENDING AND FIGHTING FOR MY COUNTRY AND THE FREEDOM I CHERISH!

I WILL REMEMBER YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER FOR YOU!

HAVE A HAPPY, SAFE AND MEMORABLE FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!
GOD BLESS THE U.S.A.!!!



Captured in His reflection,

Longing to Sit at the Feet of Jesus

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked. ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’ ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her.’ ” Luke 10:38-42 (NIV)

A couple of weeks ago someone said to me, “I am proud of you trying to be a Christian but you do not know how to separate your spiritual life from real life.” I was shocked because that is NOT something I expected to hear from this person…not something one Christian would normally say to another Christian. I quickly replied, “I am not ‘trying’ to be a Christian. I AM a Christian and there cannot be any ‘separation’ of two different lives or lifestyles for a Christian. I have only one life and it is surrendered to Jesus and I am no different on Sunday morning than I am throughout the rest of the week.” This person then told me I needed to read my Bible with an open mind, and then turned and walked away. As I so often do in similar situations, I prayed for this individual then I sat there bewildered, perplexed and longed even more to seek Jesus and sit at His feet.



Are you attempting to live two separate lives…one spiritual and another deemed “real” or “large” by the world? All too often, people spend time with God at only specific times and in just certain places. They think “life” gets in the way and they become busy with other duties or interests. I have done this in my past and believe me; it does NOT work because you begin to leave the Holy Spirit and God’s presence out completely. You may be fooling yourself but you cannot fool God. It is very simple and the Bible is very plain about it. There are no gray areas. You are either a born again believer, saved by grace or you are not. You are either a Christian (a follower of Christ living in Christ’s likeness) or not. You are either totally His or not. There are no in-betweens or half-and-halfs. The qualities and characteristics of a Christian are not to be altered to fit a busy or worldly lifestyle. They are not to be placed on a shelf or to be put on hold in order to do something else. The Holy Spirit lives within a born-again believer and He intercedes for us so we may be in direct communication with God, our Father. The Holy Spirit also gives us Jesus' insight behind the words in scripture. We are to be ever conscious of the atonement for our sins and we are to remain focused and alert to the will of God throughout our entire life. In order to do this, we must spend time alone with Him. We must walk with Him. We must read and study His Word. We must talk with Him. We must listen to Him. We must pray. We must obey Him. That is how He knows we love Him. Yes, in order to truly KNOW Him and GROW in Him, we have to be in fellowship with Christ and this priority must be FIRST in our lives...EVERY DAY. We have to give Him our mind, commune with Him, seek His direction and follow His will. We have to slow down and live the life God intended. In other words, we have to give our Most High God what He deserves…our all. How? It is simple. We place Him first and we give Him our time and our solitude.

“Some of God’s children want to discover the blessedness of spiritual aloneness, to relearn the ways of solitude and simplicity. Retire from the world each day to some private spot...Stay in the secret place till the surrounding noises begin to fade out of your heart and a sense of God's presence envelopes you. Deliberately tune out the unpleasant sounds and come out of your closet determined not to hear them. Listen for the inward Voice till you learn to recognize it...Learn to pray inwardly every moment. After a while you can do this even while you work.” ~A.W. Tozer

If you are too busy to give God time, perhaps you would be wise to contemplate A.W. Tozer’s words.

“Beware of saying, ‘I haven’t time to read the Bible or to pray’; say rather, ‘I haven’t disciplined myself to do these things.’” ~Oswald Chambers

Our Heavenly Father has supplied us with the Bread of Life and Living Water and He wants desperately to nourish us through His Word every single day. Some say, “I’ve read it, I know it,” and they pick their Bible up to carry to church on Sunday morning. Well, dear friends, God is a living God and He speaks new truths to us and reveals more of His true nature to us every day, as we read and study His Word. He speaks to us through the Holy Spirit, through other Christians and also through our circumstances. All we must do is slow down and give Him time. We must sit at His feet. Then He teaches us, guides us, redirects us, strengthens us and equips us for our journey each day.

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom...” Colossians 3:16 (NIV)

The same person I mentioned earlier asked me today, “When are you going to be through with this writing?” I answered, “Probably never, unless God redirects me. I will not purposefully go against His calling another time in my life.”

So…
Yes, I am guarding my heart to remain captivated in Jesus.
Yes, I am guilty of tuning out, throwing out and avoiding worldly things and attitudes which rob me of His presence.
Yes, I will continue to slow down and give Him my time.
Yes, I will continue to grow in Him.

“…mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” Ephesians 4:13 (NIV)

Yes, I will continue to sit at the precious feet of Jesus, my Lord and Savior.

“…Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:42 (NIV)

Captured in His reflection,

Remain Sure in Being Unsure

“…it has not yet been revealed what we shall be…” ~1 John 3:2

Isn’t it amazing how perplexing our English language really is and how narrow minded we really are sometimes? There are multiple connotations for so many words which we commonly use. The meaning may completely change depending on our tone, the word usage in a sentence, the subject matter involved or the surrounding circumstances. I have found this to be true with the simple words, “sure” and “unsure.” God has grown me to understand these words with a simple mind rather than a narrow mind. In Him, I now realize that I will always remain sure in being unsure!

In Oswald Chambers’ MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST, he writes of “Gracious Uncertainty.” He talks about how “certainty is the mark of the commonsense life---gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life.” Oswald Chambers is always turning on light bulbs for me and rattling my senses! You know those questionnaires where you are asked who you would most like to sit beside on an airplane for a 24-hour flight. Well, you guessed it…I would definitely sit next to Oswald Chambers!

As I have shared before, I have battled with perfectionism in the past. My natural instinct was one of precision…yes, always striving for perfection…to be accurate and remain sure. I now realize those are NOT the characteristics of a spiritual life. Perfectionism possesses an underlying desire to please others, thereby receiving pleasure in the accomplishment of self…otherwise known as pride! And yes, we all know pride is a killer! Being sure was definitely my goal in everything. I wrestled with an unsure state of mind on many occasions only to know in the end, I had the answer and conquered it. Right! My track record in life totally disproves “my conquering” anything except hard lessons. Within my own strength I cleaned up messes, organized situations, sought and determined answers, weighed and made decisions, lead, took action and walked away with pride in having done my best…yes, certain of conquering the ability to present myself pleasing before God, to others, and to myself. You bet!

Needless to say, my interpretation of the following was way off base:

“If a job is worth doing, it’s worth doing well.”

“Work as if working for the Master.”

A simple concept of striving for perfection was ingrained in my mind…yes, to the driving point of destruction and separation from God. My misunderstanding of the word, “sure” in being sure of myself was totally working AGAINST me. I realize I am not alone. I have known many Christians who attempt to live in surety or who attempt to control their own destiny without fully realizing it. Sometimes this trait is found in a provider where choices must be made and they are made based on how their own parents did something or according to statistics, someone’s proven track record or what is deemed as sound judgment. I have seen this trait in survivors…those whose circumstances call for immediate action and their decisions sometimes involve the livelihood of dependents as well. This trait also exists in a person of single-mindedness, where in their eyes they know best. They sell it to themselves, their right and correct solution to a given problem or in a particular situation and they take steps toward what they have concluded as the appropriate action. That is what I was doing for so many years. It only proved I was NOT depending on God, NOT walking in faith, NOT leaving tomorrow in God’s hands, and NOT truly expecting His MIRACLES or BLESSINGS in my life. I was, what I perceived, a right-minded Christian, yet I was in charge. Of course, I prayed. Yet without a sincere question to or an intervention of the Holy Spirit, I kept my timeframe in mind and determined what actions to take. When I prayed, it was as though I simply wanted God’s approval for my planned course of action within my own timeframe. I did not involve or turn anything over to the Holy Spirit. I did not wait, listen or receive His insight or His instruction. We DO live in a fast-paced world and we tend to take on the worldly attitude of commonsense actions while living within the realm of our Christianity.

Translation:

“We totally leave the Holy Spirit out of the equation as we go through the motions of a life we presume is abiding in Christ and Christ in us.”

The questions at hand are:

“How long will we refuse to KEEP our eyes on Jesus?”

“How long will we KEEP making our own decisions without the realization that God is left on the outside of our life while we simply carry the Holy Spirit within us?”

It is no wonder we often hear:

“My prayers don’t seem to go any farther than the ceiling.”

“If God is real, why doesn’t He fix this?”

“If He hears my prayers, why doesn’t He answer?”

“I can’t believe a loving God would let this happen.”

The real question for each of us is:

“Is my relationship with my Father an intimate one and do I really KNOW Him?”

It is not about a religion…going through the motions, quoting scripture and attending the church of our choice. Our Christian walk or our continuing intercession with Him or abiding in Him…yes, truly KNOWING Him is ONLY made possible through the Holy Spirit. God will NOT respond based on the fact that we made a public profession of our faith once or simply because we are praying want-it-now prayers within our circumstantial timeframe. He will, however, respond to fervent and ongoing prayer and intercession through the Holy Spirit and He will answer us within His own timeframe based on our genuine and faithful expectation in Him. YES, WE CAN DEPEND ON GOD. Our God is a God of certainty, of true organization, precision, correctness, and divine order…He is a GOD of SURETY! If we are Christian, that is, if we have accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior and we have the Holy Spirit inside us, then our life belongs to God and He graciously bestows within us, an unsure state in all other things. He does not do that for us to be confused or for us to make our own choices. He does it for us to be expectant in Him…to seek Him through the Holy Spirit and commune with Him and to keep our eyes continually focused on Jesus. If we have given Him our all, we can rest in His assurance and be sure of Him. Yes, we can be totally sure of God and it is right to be unsure in everything else. We are to cast all our cares and burdens on God and hold all our expectations in God. We are to remain SURE IN ONLY ONE THING…OUR GOD…AND HAVE UNSURETY IN ALL ELSE BECAUSE WE DEPEND TOTALLY UPON HIM.



Captured in His reflection,

Angels’ Wings… Do they exist or don’t they?

Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep." ~John 21:16 (NIV)


I lived in Al-Jubail Saudi Arabia for seven months in 2009. During that time I was not allowed to drive because of my gender. Prior to that, I would jump into my vehicle and go wherever I wanted and do pretty much as I pleased. What a blessing it is to simply leave your dwelling and travel down the road! Yes, it’s a freedom that we often take for granted and have even complained about on occasion…that is, until we find ourselves in a place where we have limitations and we face the realization that our “wings” have been clipped.


When my mother could no longer walk and had to stop driving, she could still run over your toes in her wheel chair, roll around picking up pecans in the yard, rearrange furniture and door facings with her motorized scooter and mow you down if you were in front of her at Walmart.



She fell in December, 2008, breaking her leg in two places. Though healed, she is no longer mobile since she can no longer stand up and support her own weight. For those of you who do not know, my mother is not only homebound, she is also confined to her bed. Yes, she faces the daily realization that her “wings” have been clipped.


I talked with momma a few days ago and she was upbeat and chipper. She will be 88 this year and her mind is very sharp unless you awaken her and then she may begin talking about someone or something that happened years ago, like picking cotton in the hot humid cotton fields of Louisiana when she was a little girl. During the last conversation though, she was alert and rational; however, during the previous conversation we’d had a week ago, she told me she was planning to go take a bath and was anxious for me to come see her new shower which my brother, Darold, had redone for her. I had a lump in my throat, my eyes welled up in tears and I held my breath as she continued, “You haven’t seen it yet.” Then she described it in detail and how lovingly her sweet son had renovated the bathroom “just for his momma.” In actuality, momma is no longer able to shower or bathe herself and has a nurse’s aide do that. Also, Darold did the renovation about five years ago with the help of my younger son, Neal, and it was done prior to my living with her for more than a year while my husband was overseas in 2006-07.


I have to remind myself that when someone is in bed every second of every day, it is very easy for them to doze frequently and become disoriented. Even though she has a clock with the date, day of the week, time and temperature on it, she still wakes in a fog of confusion at times. It seems dreams are more prevalent and many times she is still in the midst of them when she awakens. I often think those dreams are her livelihood right now since they give her the freedoms she once enjoyed. In addition, momma has had epilepsy since 1950 and the medications which keep her seizures at bay also make her sleepy. In saying all this, I wanted to write about something that is very near and dear to my heart…the wings which God grows for us when our own wings are clipped. They are “Angels’ Wings.” They are not like Biblical angels who had no wings but they are His special servants who have grown these miraculous wings through His mighty power in order to accomplish His love, care and service for others whose wings have been clipped. I affectionately and tenderly call these characteristics “Angels’ Wings.”


Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ~Ephesians 3:20 (NLT)


The first set of “Angels’ Wings” which God provided momma now rests in heaven. Paul P. DuBose, my dad, died on his mother's birthday in 2003 and was buried in a small family cemetery in East Texas beneath the whispering pine trees he loved so much. Daddy not only cared for momma throughout their marriage of 65 years, he assured there would be excellent provision for her throughout the remainder of her life. Thank you, daddy, for your love and foresight in caring for momma all her days. She loves and misses you so very much…as do your children.





The second set of “Angels' Wings” which God has provided momma is strong and secure...and not at all what you might expect. This set is worn by a Vietnam Veteran who rides a Harley and loves to fish. His name is Philip DuBose and he is the second of my three older brothers. He was momma’s choice for her long-term caregiver and his life has never been the same since taking on this awesome responsibility of love and devotion. There are not enough words to describe all he does in 24 hours/7 days per week. The details of his job description would stagger your mind and fill a book. His book would be a redneck version but indeed, it would be filled. Thank you, my dear brother...such simple words...yet they come straight from the depths of my heart. I love you so much and I am praying for you daily. May God continue to bless you as you provide momma such loving strength and security.


The third set of “Angels' Wings” which God has provided momma is joyful, uplifting and inspirational and worn by First Baptist Church Brazoria’s Homebound Ministry Leader, Jackie Burke. I’m not sure I have the words to describe such a loving, gifted and devoted Christian sister. Her first calling is signing for the deaf and she has taught many others this special gift. Her second calling of service is living and sharing God’s immeasurable love, affection and care for the elderly. Along with her other homebound members, Jackie visits momma regularly, calls her from town to pick up something she might need, runs errands for her, remembers her on holidays and her birthday. She stops by with a meal or special treats on occasion and sometimes she brings her husband, George, along to visit also. Jackie even takes momma on vacations. By that I mean she will call her regularly while traveling and keep her posted on all the sights she sees. She sends her cards, post cards and photos along the way. Once Jackie and George were traveling through many states on a long extended vacation and Jackie called momma to share all the experiences she encountered as she traveled through each state. Momma missed her visits but felt as though she were traveling along with them. Thank you, Jackie, my sweet sister in Christ, from the bottom of my heart. I love you dearly and I am praying for you as you minister to the elderly. May our Father continue to bless you as you bring such joy and inspiration to others.


The fourth set of “Angels' Wings” which God has provided momma is compassionate, loving and full of empathy. This set is worn by one of her closest friends...who, like momma, is also a widowed member of First Baptist Church Brazoria. Her name is Ruby Netzel and her phone calls, visits, prayers and genuine concern and love for momma are above and beyond that of a close friend. Ms. Ruby, as we call her, is always a phone call away and I thank God for what she has meant to my mother. God bless you, Ms. Ruby, and thank you for everything. You are such a good friend and such good medicine for momma. May God continue to bless you with such compassion and love.


The fifth and sixth sets of “Angels' Wings” which God has provided momma provide her fond memories, giggles and grins all covered with love and devotion. They are worn by her two younger sisters, Rita Martin and Frances Brevell. My sweet aunts visit, call and check on momma frequently and I appreciate how very much they love and care about her. Thank you, both, so much. I love you more than mere words can say. You are both treasured and always in my prayers. May God bless you both with good health and many more years to giggle as sisters.



The seventh and eighth sets of "Angels' Wings" which God has provided momma are coated with sugar and spice. They are worn by the two secretaries at First Baptist Church Brazoria. Becky Vernor and Carolyn (Sissy) Moffett are momma's links to answers "from the horse's mouth" regarding spontaneous questions about church or church members' health, etc. Becky and her own sweet mom have been so kind as to keep momma supplied with Christian romance novels to read and both Becky and Sissy check on momma regularly, visit and readily stop by if she calls. Thank you both so much. I treasure your friendship with and for momma and I appreciate and love you for caring about her in your busy lives. May God continue to bless you with sweetness and such a caring attitude toward everyone.


It is amazing how our Father has blessed my mother with such awesome “Angels’ Wings” to replace her clipped ones. I thank God for all the people in her life but especially these I’ve mentioned…they mean so much to me because they care so much about her. I know there are many others who have shown love, affection, care and provided for various needs or requests but these are steadfast and true blue. God has given her these “Angels’ Wings” on earth and she is richly blessed…as are her own children.





Thank You, Father God, for my mother and for Your watchful care over her. Thank You for all the people in her life who make her smile each day, cause her to laugh and see You reflected in their love. May You continue to bless her and bless them in their service for You and may You keep momma and her “Angels’ Wings” in your watchful care, dear Father. Thank You and Amen.



MOMMA...YOU ARE DEEPLY LOVED!!!


Captured in His reflection,

God Hears Our Melody… ♫ ♫ ♫

"In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which perishes, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." ~1 Peter 1:6-7 (NIV)

When I first surrendered to God’s call into special service, the Music Ministry is where I knew He wanted me and I wanted nothing more than to serve Him for the rest of my days…singing praises to Him and for Him. Looking back, it is no wonder to me now why He let the course of events happen in my life as He did…in order to break me and remake me…yes, to teach me. Oh… “Rabboni,” what limitations I had placed on Your calling! You wanted to hear melody from me yet I had to learn the music You treasured.

Isn’t it a GRAND thing that God not only collects our tears but that He hears our melody? Sure, He hears gifted musicians and singers praise Him with melodious tunes and trained voices. He hears joyful noises from others, as well, and they all please Him. After all, they are blessed with the very gifts He, Himself, has provided. I am alive in Jesus today to testify that these pleasing sounds are nothing to compare with the melody He hears when we pour out our heart and soul to Him in brokenness and humble ourselves before Him. He sees and knows the REAL in every one of us…yes, the good and the bad, the happiness and the misery. And in His eyes we are deemed most beautiful and sound most pleasing to His ear when we are broken for Him and submit to Him our all. There are so many scriptures in the Bible which tell us of the trials and turmoil we will endure if we belong to Him. We are molded by the Master Potter during these times…yes, so we will become pleasing to Him...and grow more in His likeness. It is a hard concept to celebrate our trials, especially in the midst of them. Yet that is exactly what we are instructed to do…KNOWING God is using them for His divine purpose. Hallelujah!? No…even BETTER than that!!!



Captured in His reflection,